My husband has a pornography addiction. Some say that this is the new drug of our millennium. Some say it is a good way to teach about sex. Some say once a pornography addict, always a pornography addict. Honestly, I couldn’t care less what some say. I know for me, it hurts, and its miserable, and it traps my husband in a place where he does not want to be.
I grew up with no brothers. I didn’t know what pornography was until I was in high school. Maybe I was naive, but I was simply never taught about it. My parents assumed I didn’t need to be taught because I would never do that. First mistake: girls and women suffer from pornography addiction also. It is very common, in fact, 1 in 3 viewers of pornography are women. Second mistake: I didn’t know I should talk to my significant others or friends about this. I have no idea how many of my boyfriends regularly watched pornography while dating me. I also have no idea who I could have helped during those tough years that were suffering from guilt and shame. Third mistake: my adult life would revolve around this one thing and I would have no prior knowledge or experience.
I had absolutely no idea how prevalent pornography addiction was until I had researched it. According to techaddiction.ca, 70% of men aged 18-24 visit porn sites in a typical month. Another statistic that blew my mind was that over $3000 is being spent every second on pornography. It is clear that I am not the only woman out there that struggles with a loved one going through this. The thing that really makes it difficult for us as supporters is that we can’t discuss this with anyone. It is so embarrassing for our significant others and so they ask us to stay quiet. Can you blame them? I would be horrified if all of my loved ones and friends were aware I was addicted to watching people have sex on a screen. However, it puts us in a terrible situation. I am tired of staying quiet and putting on a face. It’s time to talk about this.
I am lucky in the fact that my husband told me about his addiction within our first month of dating. He had no intentions of trapping someone who could not handle this in a relationship with him. Once I was aware of his addiction, I did everything I could to learn about it. I want to create this blog so I can be an educator to those who are in my exact same situation. Maybe you found out about your spouse’s addiction after they had been doing it for years. Maybe you are like me and they were upfront about their problem from the beginning. Everyone has completely different experiences. I don’t care who you are, what your prior experience is, or what you already know. This is a place where I can be completely honest about how much it hurts when my husband views pornography. This is a place where I can share with you the insights and pieces of wisdom I have picked up through the years. This is a place where wives can band together and cry together and relate with one another about something we are generally not aloud to talk about.
I want to be completely see-through. In order for me to be honest and true about my experiences, I need to stay anonymous. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. This way we can connect and truly get anything off of our chests. I hope this won’t be a barrier for some. Let’s talk about things we shouldn’t talk about. Let’s unite in our sorrows and leave feeling uplifted. This is not a place to come and wallow. Here, we grow and see how we can change and help our significant others so we don’t ever have to come back here. Here, we feel hope.